What is it about imposter syndrome and the would-be writer? I put a simple post on Instagram the other day about the next writing retreat. ‘If you’ve ever wanted to write about food,’ I wrote, ‘but felt the grip of imposter syndrome holding you back, I have a few places left for the next How to Cook a Book retreat on May 13-15.’
I could have sold out a couple of times over.
So what is it that stops people who want to write from saying what they SO want to say? Even when we do tackle the imposter in its tracks, make it a friend, superlove it into a pliable piece of putty to pop in a pocket, it takes a community of post retreaters over on the WhatsApp group to coax the writing out again from where it’s hidden and unseen again. Safe. I should rename it ‘the tortoise syndrome’.
‘Then the imposter reared its head and said what are you thinking?’ wrote a reader who would love to come, if she had the time. Let’s call her Jess. ‘I hope this is normal? I keep seeing you post about similar moments that crop up in your work with other burgeoning writers.’
Jess is part of the Slow Food movement and has activism and purpose coursing through her veins. She’s a natural storyteller whose curiosity for other people’s lives would have made her a journalist, had she not devoted her life to looking after everyone else. Now that the kids have almost left home, it’s her time. Almost. But then there’s the elderly relatives and a newly diagnosed partner to care for. What was she thinking?
Jess is not alone. Substack helps. Writing regularly about something that matters, getting the feedback, the validation makes a difference. They feel heard. But what if they’re seen? Who on earth are they to write about X, Y or Z?
Well, who are they not to write about it?
I used this Marianne Williamson quote a lot with my kids as they hid in their shells when they were younger, as so many teenagers do. I’ve swapped out the God bits for the Universe, which somehow makes more sense to me and them, but do with it what you will. Maybe I’ll try it out on the writers at the next retreat.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You're playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of the Universe that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
I’ll report back how it goes down at the next retreat.
PS. How cool is that tortoise?
Very much at the core of all that I'm now coaching using transformational techniques…. And the "why”s I could talk to you about for hours, after a decade of studying the psychological and sociological factors in play especially for women, along with all the women's centred coaching research that finally answers my longstanding question - "so what do we DO to help the many women hiding their talents, energy and contributions under a bushel?"
You’re changing lives dear friend with every one of those writers who you lure over the brow of their hills, and into your retreats. Bravo 🥳🥰 xx
Oh dear I am a tortoise. I read over last summer Madeline L’Engle’s account of how when she had young children she would spend half the day writing and never get published and felt very envious, thinking ‘how? How did she manage that?’ . My oldest friend, who is single, says that when a woman has her first baby a creature creeps into her head and says ‘you must never never have any moment of free time again’ date night? Of course , so good for the relationship, self care ? Of course , so important not to let yourself go, but actually taking six hours to just write, with no immediate prospect of making money from it, absolutely not